2014~ The blur

I didn’t even remember my username or password.
I wanted to write, but I did not.
I had things to say, but I could not.
I needed to put words into sentences, but they came not.

2014 was the year I questioned everything.
Every post I deleted. Every thought I negated. Every truth I denied. Every feeling I shut down. Every emotion I kept inside.

For the same reason I do not have a Twitter- I think it pointless and vain in reality.

My brain never stops analyzing. But organizing, rationalizing, clarifying and communicating bring me to a standstill. 2014 anxiety and fear got the best of me. Why? Because I let go of my faith. Faith is what drives out fear, and in it’s absence fear crept in.

Fear that my thoughts were stupid, my conclusions wrong, and my words insignificant.
Fear that voicing certain pains would give them more power.
Fear that admitting my fear would leave me weak and exposed.
Fear that I was powerless to effect real change
when all I want is to change the world.

2014 was a great year. So great that my mind could not comprehend, believe, or fully appreciate. I am so thankful now for everything that happened. I continue to press on in faith and press out the fear. I have been humbled to know that no one really cares about me, but strong enough to know that self belief is the strongest force for me. I do believe in me, I believe in the person I am, the person I am trying to be, and the person I will become. I have faith in where I am headed. Greater than that, I have faith in where I am now and I am going to stop missing out on that blessing. Here’s to today, to now, to me; bubbling with hope for the future; sweet with promises of what is and what is to come.


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